Backseat Muthafuckas

Ayo whattup yall its ya boy Thor Molecules aka Phantom Raviolis the panty melter aka Galaxy Knuckles aka the Hands of Zeus otherwise known as the high n exalted Cocaine Biceps n the mighty inventor of slaps nahmean. Ayo we livin in a time where ey'body wanna be a boss namsayin. Im sayin even the muthafuckin weed carriers in the crew feel like they be entitled to shit that the nigga who actually give him the weed to carry is entitled to b. The shit aint rite son. Back in the day muthafuckas like Mopreme or Big Syke...or whatever them niggas names was in Thug Life or the Outlawz wit 2Pac....they all knew they place within the organization namsayin. Pac use to heat up quarters wit his lighter n leave em on those niggas foreheads if they fell asleep in his presence b. Thats jus disrespectful yo. But those niggas aint even say shit to him for it nahmean. Niggas knew they place son. They knew that Pac was the bread winner n that they basically wasnt shit without the nigga namsayin. 

Which is why it broke my heart son...it broke my muthafuckin heart to see a dude like Busta Rhymes...a muthafuckin veteran who been in the game for bout 20 years...when half the niggas in Young Money was either toddlers or muthafuckin zygotes n shit....go n sign to a label like YMCMB. A whole crew of backseat muthafuckin niggas. Aint like they gave the  homie some kinda executive position at the label b. They aint brought him to the company as a boss...they jus signed son like he was a little nigga yo. They signed my dude like he was Cory Gunz or some shit par. Like this aint a cat who rocked on joints wit Biggie n helped put Dilla on son. Nah yo...it aint rite to be puttin the illustrious niggas in the backseat par. The backseat is for the underling niggas namsayin. The ones who need to stand under somebody else umbrella cos they aint equipped to deal wit some storms n shit theyselves namsayin. But we livin in different times b. This Estrogeneration™ of little niggas is makin all the rules now b. 

I touched on all this shit back when that cabbage patch nigga Drizzy started talmbout niggas was stealin ideas from him n Weezy son. The nigga said Jay n Kanye was bitin they whole idea to do a duets album n shit. Cos I guess son figured him n Dwayne was the only ones who had thought of that shit. What son aint acknowledged was that Jay had already did 2 albums witta singin ass R&B nigga hisself when he did the R Kelly joints. So really...singin ass Aubrey was the one steppin on toes....but that aint even what had a nigga vexed. Who was THIS little backseat ass muthafucka thinkin he was to be gettin outta pocket n talkin sideways bout niggas who birthed him b? Basically the god had to get som shit off his chest n this is what was said...

"Ayo I just seen this video wit that nigga Drake talkin foul bout his elders n shit. Son be splashin his cologne on niggas nahmean. He tryna rub his cologne on niggas n keep his ass in the picture namsayin. He like that nigga in the backseat of the car pokin his head between the front seats tryna stay in the conversation wit front seat niggas nahmean. Ayo Jay n Kanye be some front seat niggas son. Niggas got seat warmers n shit. Niggas can change the station on the car stereo namsayin. The nigga Drake be tryna play wit the knobs on the stereo nahmean. Son can’t adjust the heat controls n shit cos he a backseat nigga namsayin. Nigga you jus look out the side windows aight. You aint built for no windshield views n shit. Niggas like Drake aint built for the front seat son. Son in the back with the child locks n shit. You aint no airbag havin nigga Aubrey. You need another niggas permissions n shit to crack ya windows nahmean. Niggas need to open ya doors son. Muthafuckas in the front seats open they own doors namsayin. Front seat niggas got legroom son. Niggas push back they seats n take yours nahmean. Ayo Drake niggas is takin ya legroom if they see ya ass. Ya backseat ass muthafucka."

Now did the god overreact? Naw son. Matter fact most niggas jus underreacted to that shit b. N son jus kept pokin his head into the front seat. You kno like when you be orderin food at the drive thru n theres that one nigga in the backseat hollerin bout "throw some extra pickles on that" n whatever. Thats some real life shit. Now we got all these backseat type niggas runnin the game tryin to get they extra pickles. Dwayne went n let the human tambourine slide into the front seat wit him n now all these other backseat ass muthafuckas is hoppin out they booster seats n  tryin to move up to the front. That muthafuckin Chester Cheeto lookin ass cornball Wiz Khagina be frontin on some boss shit too now yo. If that aint some fucked up shit to you I hope you a twelve year old girl forreal son. No grown ass man should be seein that as some righteous shit b. That shit is jus wrongteous yo. 

Remember Ma$e tho? Son wasnt necessarily no backseat nigga...but he definitely belonged in the passenger seat namsayin. When he was the #2 to Puffy in all the videos he was doin good for hisself. Then what happened? Son tried to boss up n slide into the drivers seat n start his own shit. Son decided he was jus gon take the wheel all a sudden. N what was the product of that shit b? Thats right. Harlem World son. Niggas flyin outta cannons n cheesin like the Cream Of Wheat nigga while strugglin to put together one decent song. Ayo you aint gon make no monumental shit wit niggas like Blinky Blink in ya crew son. Niggas even had Kanye n Just Blaze beats n the shit was still wack. 

Other backseat muthafuckas who tried to move into the front include that nigga Game. Now heres a dude who had no business tryin to take matters into his own hands at all yo. Son let his ego get in the way tho. We aint gon get into who did what to who n all that shit...but bottom line is the nigga a habitual "bite the hand that feeds his ass" muthafucka. This nigga can call shotgun as many times as he want n he still gon end up in the backseat at the end of the day par. You wont never see the nigga ridin in the front adjustin his seat n gettin his climate control on or glancin at the GPS namsayin. Sons window only rolls down halfway. Black Wall Street? Son got like 87 weed carriers in that muthafucka. I dont even understand if that shits spose to be a record label or what yo. Son is a fan b. He aint gon determine the destination of nothin son. He a passenger. A BACKSEAT passenger my nigga. The kind that wanna lean forward n give his opinion to the nigga navigatin thru all the traffic....yellin directions from the back at the dude who actually knows his way around namsayin. I guarantee you the happiest day of sons life was when Hov mentioned his name subliminally in those bars that ended up on the first joint off Blueprint 3. Son was so excited to hear the nigga ALMOST respond to him after 6 years of baitin him that he recorded a whole song bout Jay 25 minutes later to celebrate b. Then another one. Then another one...But who is THIS nigga to try n call out other rappers b? Sons verses use to sound like he was jus readin the "thank yous" off the cd jackets yo. But his new shit is transformin into whoever the nigga he doin a joint wit. If he on a joint wit Tyler he become Tyler. If he on a joint wit Jeezy he become Jeezy. If he on a joint wit Nas he become Nas. So if he ever do get to do a song wit Jay you already kno Jayceon gon be gettin his "IT SOUNDS SO SOULFUL DONT YOU AGREE?" on during the intro.

See Jayceon is more like on the level of a Papoose...or any other nigga who suffers from extreme dellusionalness n shit. See Pap is a backseat muthafucka in ey single way imaginable b. But sons whole backseat passenger status is at a even higher level than most backseat niggas tho. Son been in the game since the 90s n still cant get a album out...mainly cos NOBODY CARES BOUT PAPOOSE JOINTS namsayin. Son makes joints for motorbike passengers...niggas who ride on the back of the bike clutchin the nigga drivin nahmean. This nigga truly believes in his heart that he the king of New York tho son. Im sayin...like 3 million niggas would have to die first before son is even in the top 100 to be a contender for that title par. N most of those niggas dont even rap. There are niggas who aint even been born yet who got more right to call theyselves the king of NY. There are muthafuckas wit crack pipes in they mouths that get half they meals from Taco Bell dumpsters that got more right to call theyselves the king of NY son. Soon as this niggas "wife" Remy Ma gets outta jail he gon be right there...on the back of that motorbike again nahmean. Til then he gon continue gettin his mediocre on n disrespectin other niggas beats. Get this McNigga the fuckouttahere b.

But the boy Young Eeyore? He know how to play his position b. Thats why Jermaine finally winnin. Cos 1) he accepted his fate as a backseat muthafucka n 2) he dont step on nobody toes. As you can see in the video son dont even sit in the front seat when he jus hangin wit his boys. Thats a humble ass nigga rite there b. Mind you son got his backseat order on at the Krispy Kremes...but he was jus overjoyed to be eatin I think nahmean. Son wasnt seein a whole lotta meals before he dropped his Lolmatic joint n sailed to the top of the charts namsayin. So Im happy for him par. I think Jay even started answerin the niggas calls. So Im happy for that boy Cole.  Far as the rest of these backseat muthafuckas go...learn from the little homie n stop fuckin up the game.

Aight peace.

Big Ghost Presents: The Take Care Review

Ayo whattup yall...the Hands of Zeus aka Thor Molecules aka Phantom Raviolis aka Cocaine Biceps... otherwise known as The Blog King n the Inventor of the Slap...is now officially back in the building namsayin. As summa yalls already kno...the god aint really no big  fan of the nigga whose album Im bout to discuss nahmean. But Imma give this shit a unbiased real ass nigga persective yo. Imma ga'head n introduce the nigga now namsayin. Ayo...kinda like ya boy Big Ghost...son goes by many names b...Drizzy or Aubrey or jus Aubs...n the Artist Formerly Known as Wheelchair Jimmy nahmean. But yalls might know him as The Kitten Whisperer aka The Harvester of Pauses aka The Taio Cruz of Hip Hop aka Young Garnier Fructis the pre-cum baby aka Jennifer Aniston's favorite emcee....n the muthafucka most likely to have a gateway to Narnia in his closet aka The Michael Buble of Rap or that nigga witta beatin vagina for a heart that you be hearin on the radio sandwiched between Katy Perry n Lady Gaga joints all day aka Justin Biebers beard n the only nigga on earth capable of turnin sandpaper into moist towelettes wit the touch of his hands...the vagina nectar-garglin nigga who makes lambs look dangerous hisself.....otherwise known as the Human Electric Slide... OctobVariesOwn....Drake. Now I promise yall...I aint got no expectations or plans to hate on this nigga unless the shit jus so happens to be wack nahmean...Word is bond. Truth is...I aint really got nothin against son like that yo. Aight lets go...

Ayo fuck this nigga b. First off...this nigga gotta stop wit this lonely mobster image he tryin to portray these days yo. This nigga said this shit was bout him feelin like he a king tho. Son said "I used to stare at this world through a glass window and, like, two to three years later, I become a king in that world. That's who's sitting on that cover..." They give this nigga a muthafuckin goblet n a table for one witta candle n a bronze owl n now he runnin rap? Nigga ya respect from ya peers is as deep as the success you got in the mainstream. Aint nobody in rap lookin up to you like that cos you dope. Your success is whats dope to these niggas son. King tho? Fuck outta here b.

1. Over My Dead Body - A forreal....this sounds like the soundtrack to some Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants type shit son. I forget who the broad he got singin the hook on this muthafucka is...but i think its Renee Zellweger or some shit. I feel like Im inside a Barnes & Noble or a Starbucks b... This joint is more light in the ass than the fushigi gravity balls you see in those infomercials at 3 in the mornin son. But yo...how the first words that this nigga got the nerve to utter on this muthafuckin album gon be "I think I killed errybody in the game last year man"? Pardon me son? Word? You mean the same year that Kanye dropped another classic album in...while yo overrated ass uhhh....DID NOT? That year b? You mean the year when niggas predicted you was gon do a milli the first week out n you did 450k instead...n then a few days later Eminem dropped n he did like 750k in HIS first week n kept YOU from gettin back to the top of the charts? The same year that Em n Jigga won all the Grammys YOU was spose to take home? THAT year son? Oh.

2. Shot For Me - I dont even know what to say b. Like forreal...after hearin this shit...I wouldnt be surprised if this nigga could pollinate a flower wit his fuckin breath son. Im pretty sure that son gets up in the morning n plays his harp for his cats n then slides down the muthafuckin banister in his satin man nightie n has a full glass of breast milk before he goes to the studio n hammers out some pooned out shit like this b. Sons talkin to a broad thru the whole song on some bitter shit n at one point the nigga even says "The way you walk...thats me. The way you talk...thats me. The way you got your hair up...did you forget? Thats me" Son... Thats you? Aight then... But the boy aint done yet yo...at the end of the joint he proposes a toast. This is how that shit go...

"May your neigbors respect you

Trouble neglect you, angels protect you

And Heaven accept you".

Ayo I gotta toast for you too Drake..."May you shut the fuck up"

3. Headlines - Lets be real...lotta yall muthafuckas dont wanna accept that this shit was a crime against heterosexuality...but thats cool. Yall feel like the human croissant did his thing on this shit. I respect that. But anyways...the god already had a few thoughts on this shit a few months ago namsayin. Yall can peep that shit rite HERE

4. Crew Love (ft The Weeknd) - Ayo I been startin to accept that maybe ALL these joints is gon be bitchmade son. Truth is I fucks wit The Weeknd tho b. The music on this shit aint that bad...but it aint really no kinda beat namsayin. But then here come Young Angel talmbout havin "soldiers" n niggas "who came up off the strip" for him n "come up off the hip" for him if he need em to. I mean......jus stop that shit son. Niggas kno ya pedigree b. Like you wasnt the little nigga ridin ponies n doin cartwhels in the backyard livin that upperclass suburban life before you became a Canadian teen soap opera star n shit b. Now you the nigga tuckin napkins in ya shirt while you eat cos you "mobbin like that" n orderin hits on niggas who disrespect you...jus stop it Aubrey. Son said "I think I like who Im becoming..." Im sayin the boy Aubs is startin to feel hisself a little too much b. Anyways son...when I thinks of Crew Love I think bout Beanie Sigel movin J Cole's mentor out his way so he could body the fuck outta a glorious ass beat while Jiggaman in his prime delivers a hook that sticks to ya ribs namsayin. Thats what Im gon always think of son...

5. Take Care - Is this shit house? This shits like some kinda African disco shit b. Nothin wrong witta nigga gettin his international on but sons spittin those cream-filled bars again. Ayo son actually dropped the words "tears all over the pillowcase" namsayin...like I aint even had to make that shit up b. But dont worry ma...Aubrey got his cape on again ...tellin the broads of the world exactly what yall spose to be thinkin n feelin n how "Somebody shouldve told you something...to save you". The moisture levels on this shit got clouds formin over my speakers b.

"Pushin me away so I give her space

dealin witta heart I didnt break

I be there for you, I will care for you

I keep thinkin you jus dont kno..."

6. Marvin's Room/Buried Alive [Interlude] (ft Kendrick Lamar) - Aka the "Player HATER'S Anthem". This nigga jus gon use bein drunk as a green light to talk to a broad while her man aint around n tell her that son aint shit. This is what little marshmallow ass muthafuckas do tho. Word. Now clown ass niggas is gon try n justify this shit as son jus dealin wit real nigga emotions n shit...or like he aint afraid to jus be honest. Nah. Fuck ya real emotions b. Thats like sayin "oh son was jussa little tipsy off them 4 flirtinis he had n so he dropped dime on his mans who was violatin his parole but he was jus dealin wit some real nigga emotions..." Nah yo. Fuck THIS nigga b. But my dude Kendrick Lamar continuin his streak of rockin on other niggas high profile joints n stealin the whole spotlight from em by spittin the illest shit on the album. Problem is that the genius nigga that sequenced these joints tacked the muthafuckin interlude onto the end of this bullshit ass song yo...so you gotta either sit thru this audio progesterone ey'time or fast forward thru the muthafuckin lotion dispensatizing takin place jus to hear that muthafucka son. Im tellin you tho son....this nigga BEEN alignin hisself wit the niggas he most threatened by...the muthafuckas he sees comin for a piece of HIS pie nahmean. Yall jus aint seein it. He wanna keep muthafuckas like The Weeknd under his wing for a reason b. Theres a reason why son had J Coles ass openin for him (pause?) on tour. Theres a reason why son got Kendrick n ASAP Rocky openin for his ass on THIS tour b. These niggas might appreciate what son doin for em...but I see what the insecure shook nigga who be goin thru broads purses while they in the bathroom is doin son. Imma need somebody to edit Aubrey off this track for me tho...

7. Underground Kings - Imma speak on this speak on this song one time one time Awwwwh. The beat is kinda trill. Yeah the beat is kinda trill Awwwhhhhhhh. But ahh cant take how son raps...no not even a liiiitlebit. Not even a liiiiittlebit. Naw ahh don't really giiiiveashit. Nawwwwww...

Cos really ahh dont giveashit. They - keep - tellin - me that - ahh - jus - need - to - learn - to - giiiveashit. Maybe if you was in my shoes youd kno why ahh jus cant giiiiveashit. Ahh think its deliberate. Yeah ahh think its deliberate.

This song is too much homosex. Bwoy ahh aint into homosex. This nigga is so homosex....nothin against homosexuawwwwwwwls....But ah dont give a fuck what boobie say. He - might - be - cool - wit - Bun - but - nigga - Aubrey - aint - no -U-G-K....

Nawwww.....cos nigga you be gay. Ah - think- that - the - whole - world - thinkin - you be into bootie play Ahh....Nigga ahh jus think this songiswack...I - wasted - 3 - whole - minutes - of - my - life - nigga...I wannumback Ackhhh

8. We'll Be Fine - This shit got some bump to it. I was thinkin Young Angel might even try n lace this shit yo. This nigga jus lazy as fuck now tho son. Say what you want bout this niggas inability to display masculine tendencies n shit par..but son use to kno how to rap kinda namsayin. The nigga aint exactly spittin those sewage bars he been slidin to Wayne...but son had a few Carter 4-worthy moments on this shit too yo. "I heard you got your ways...I never woulda known. She said "yer such a dog...I said yer such a bone".

Birdman gettin his handrub on all over the end of this shit too. Shit had niggas worried cos he sounded like he was bout to rap....instead the nigga jus did his best to paint this nigga witta gangster brush....."Toronto stand up for one of the realest niggas...Drizzy wit the realest flow...y'kno? Toast to this gangsta shit fellas...." Word yo...jus look at this gangsta ass nigga....

"And shout out to Toronto bitch Im Tony in my city"

9. Umso Umso Umso Umso Usmo Proud of You (ft Nicki Minaj) - I aint even mad at this beat son...but the shit this nigga be sayin yo...."I love it when your hair still wet cos you jus took a shower...runnin on a treadmill n only eating salad...sound so smart like you graduated college". I cant even stomach that shit b. Son always gotta be on some "Gurl you kno you look yo best when you jus gettin up in the morning n you got them creases on yo face from yo pillow n that crusty shit all in yo eyes cos thats the real you gurl awwwwwhhh" shit.  That or he feedin broads that "you aint even kno how special you is cos other niggas dont be noticin it...but I do" shit. Ayo pardon me if you a female that happens to fall for this cornball shit...but most niggas DO be knowin bout these muthafuckin covert broad tactics namsayin. This nigga tellin you what you wanna hear n throwin all the other niggas you talk to under the bus....n got you convinced that he actually feel that way ma. Son be preyin on the weak. The nigga jus gon parallel park his top down bitchmobile on the track n do nothin but wait for these low self esteem havin broads to come flyin across the hood of his shit n take that bait. But its whatever namsayin. Let this nigga get his false Beyonce female empowerment on. But that hook son. Ayo is this nigga still attached to a placenta sack b?

10. Lord Knows (ft Rick Ross) - Anybody remember the last time Just Blaze produced a wack joint now? This beat is some incredible shit my nigga. Rozay does his thing too...n if I couldnt understand what the homie Young Playtex was sayin...I would say his shit was aight too. But listen to this niggas bars son.....

 "So Im goin thru her phone if she go to the bathroom n her purse rite there...I dont trust these hoes at all"

"Thats why I walk around wit all this gold on...n every time I run into these niggas they want no problems"

"They take the greats from the past n compare us...I wonder if theyd ever survive in this era"

"I know of all the things that I hear they be pokin fun at...never the flow...they kno I run that"

"Im a descendant of either Marley or Hendrix"

"Im hearin all of the jokes...I kno they tryna push me...I kno that showin emotion dont ever mean Im pussy"

"A lot of niggas came up off a style that I made up...but if all I hear is me ...then who should I be afraid of?".

But yo..I fucks wit this joint son. Real talk tho...I woulda fucked wit it even if there was no vocals until the Bawse comes in n gets his ignorant on anyways. If somebody gets me a instrumental of this joint Imma jus play the shit outta that muthafucka too son. Matter fact Im lookin forward to hearin OTHER niggas body this shit namsayin (no...not you Papoose). Cos son gave this nigga one of the top 3 beats of the year nahmean. Plus Just Blaze beats is like jeggings son....they can make almost any bitch ass look good.

11. Cameras/Good Ones Go (Interlude) - That Jon B I hear son? Anyways this nigga jus gon get his Lil Tunechi froggy flow on now. At the end of the day this is jus some more of that "Here nigga hold my purse music" that son been specializin in for the last few years. But its almost like a cherub came n whispered in the niggas ear after he recorded this shit n told him "Son...this shit aint moist enough b...you need to come do a duet wit me now" for the interlude...

"Dont you go gettin married...dont you go get engaged

I know youre gettin older...dont have no time to waste

I shouldnt be much longer...but you shouldnt have to wait

Cant lose you..cant help it...Im sorry Im so selfish"

12. Doing it Wrong (ft Stevie Wonder) - This nigga jus took bitchassedness in hip hop to a whole new level on this one b. Like son jus discovered new frontiers in softness that aint nobody EVER explored my nigga. I cant even believe what the fuck this dude sayin yo.

"When a good thing goes bad its not the end of the world...its jus the end of a world that you had wit one girl"

No dignity whatsoever b. None. ZERO son. Not a single solitary snowflake of fuckin decorum left in this nigga. I tried to type out the muthafuckin words to the hook n that delicate ass shit jus floated off the screen when I did it yo...so you jus gon have to listen to that shit yaself son. This nigga gotta orchard of pauses blossoming all over this muthafucka. If yall enjoy these audio vagina injections thats cool...but I cant fuck wit this shit nahmean. I kno son is legedary as fuck...but Stevie playin his harmonica over that shit at the end dont mean shit to me neither b.  Might also be time for my dude to jus think bout lettin go of those braids already par. Those muthafuckas start like 8 inches further back than they did in the 80s nahmean. No disrespect to the legend but Im jus sayin b...

13. The Real Her (ft Lil Wayne & Andre 3000) - Now its time for this niggas ode to savin strippers. Havin 3 Stacks on this joint dont make this shit any less unacceptable b. But whenever the citizens of Los Hopeless get tired of lettin niggas slip singles down the crack of they asses they jus flash that muthafuckin vagina spotlight up on the clouds n wait for this nigga to slide down a rainbow witta cape on his back n a tote bag full of sweaters he jus finished crocheting to come save they asses son. The boy Drake is fightin on the front lines of the war for  keepin broads from takin they clothes off for money b. This nigga saves more hoes before 9 am than most niggas gon save in they whole life namsayin.

14. HYFR [Hell Ya Fuckin Right] (ft Lil Wayne) - If this muffin-top havin ass nigga wasnt jus squirtin out another sonnet bout the same shit n talmbout textin a broad the whole time I woulda said son killed the first 40 seconds of this muthafucka. Anyways yo....I dont hate this shit. I mean...I dont really fuck wit it like that neither...but I aint mad at it yo. Im sayin I dont see myself wantin to smack a nigga witta light post or nothin if he play this shit in front of me or nothin. Like I dont feel like I gotta slap a nigga into another realm of the universe n go seed his broad up if he accidentally lets this shit come thru the speakers namsayin. I aint gon necessarily throw a volcano at a nigga if he got this shit playin in his crib n I can hear the muthafucka nahmean. I mean...thats definitely some kinda improvement over the rest of this bullshit yo.

15. Look What You've Done - Im havin Sideline Story flashbacks b. This nigga nearly put me to sleep wit this shit yo...but this shit probably one of the better joints on this muthafucka still. Its like this nigga on a roll now wit back to back joints thats still kinda bitchmade but not as horrible as all the other bitchmade shit on this album nahmean. You could even say that if son jus did more bitchass shit like this instead of the other bitchass shit he do...he would be aight. This shit is so delicate that playin it out loud wit no headphones actually jus made my clothes softer b. But it was definitely a step in the slightly less bitchnigga direction for son.

16. Practice - The fuck is this shit b? This nigga turned Back That Azz Up into a ballad? Thats like some shit only a rape nigga coulda imagined son. Anyways b...the message to this muthafuckin joint is basically that all the other niggas that this broad done fucked wit was jus practice for her...for when she would eventually meet Aubrey's beige ass n be able to show him what she done learned namsayin. Again yo...Im sayin...who says shit like that? Wack ass creepy rape type niggas is who b. Niggas who hang out by the pool at night time n scare broads away...like this nigga rite here...

17. The Ride (ft The Weeknd) - Ayo my illegally downloaded version of this muthafucka aint come wit this track par.

18. The Motto (ft Lil Wayne) - So niggas is really still jerkin yo? Son...this shit jus makes me wanna hurt innocent creatures b. I might  need to go punt my neighbor's dog across the fuckin block jus to relieve my muthafuckin tension after listenin to this bullshit rite here again son. This shit was like havin herpes in my ears b. You might only live once son...but apparently you can keep makin gay ass music forever if you wanna.

So thats the whole album son...or what Im gon refer to as that cascading waterfall of invisible dicks that sons fans call his music. Swear this nigga got  the most forgiving fans on earth tho b. The nigga gets that exotic budgie tatted on his shoulder..."Nah chill...he jus doin him son". The nigga drops a million odes to savin broads..."Ayo chill...son jus tryna live par". The nigga starts rockin sweaters from 1983 Sears catalogs n shows up to awards shows wearin grandmother cardigans made from old sofas..."Nah chill...son jus stayin tru to hisself"...Im sayin b...the nigga could show up at a awards show wearin a unitard n niggas would still be like..."Jus let that nigga do him....he jus doin him son". Yall muthafuckas should be ashamed of yallselves tho....for lettin it come to this shit in the first place namsayin. Yall LET this niggas get to the top like that. Im talkin to niggas who emcee too. Yall done allowed this nigga to come in the door...n now he done opened the floodgates to a million other soft ass muthafuckas jus like him son. Ayo nobody disrespected Father MC n Candyman like that back in the day b. Them niggas was makin careers outta droppin soft ass shit too. Dudes aint try to crush they whole existence or nothin...but niggas aint exactly say "Ayo Father MC n Candyman yall niggas should be showin the rest of us muthafuckas what direction to take Hip Hop in yo...". But I dont even blame Drake b. That nigga SHOULD  be able to have his lane. Its all good son. I hate that niggas music n he definitely that corny nigga at the club who pops open a bottle of champagne n then sniffs the cork...but he allowed to follow his dreams b. But yall niggas put that muthafucka on a pedestal. Like I said b...I dont blame Aubrey tho. Drake is what happens when ya son is conceived during a period week namsayin. That nigga was jus conceived on the wrong end of a menstrual cycle yo. These niggas gon always exist bruh. But I aint no follower son.  If I dont like some shit...I dont jus rock wit it cos thats what broads be listenin to... n cos I want broads to be feelin me. Thats like sprayin yaself wit perfume jus cos chicks be enjoyin that shit...Yall effeminate ass niggas smarten up. Niggas always callin Drizzy homo tho. Im sayin yo...I dont think thats even the case b. N if it was...I aint judgin the nigga based on none of that yo. I mean...maybe son is kinda homo-esque. But either way par...this niggas masculinity been terminally ill for a hot minute now...that shits been on life support since Thank Me Later dropped b. But Im sure that muthafucka done kicked the bucket forreal wit this album son. If you niggas cop retail versions of this shit dont  forget to take the cd in for a yearly pap smear b. Ayo fuck this shit son. Aight peace.

By the way yo...Imma give this shit...

1 Zeus Slap outta 5

or

5 Drake Pinky Salutes outta 5  

Take ya pick b.

RIP HEAVY D

Big Ghost Presents: The Live.Love.A$AP Review

Ayo whattup its the Hands of Zeus back in the building nahmean aka Phantom Raviolis aka The Panty Melter aka Cocaine Biceps the inventor of the slap. Word is bond Imma skip all that other talk n get right down to the bone gristles namsayin. I had this shit sittin in my iTunes for a hot minute now n I still aint really listen to that muthafucka without no distractions all the way thru yo. So Im bout to give this ASAP Rocky joint a real  thoro ass Zeus Hands inspection n give yalls the prognosis one time namsayin. Im sure by now a lot of yall already heard The Purple Swag or Pe$o joints...or maybe one of them older freestyles son dropped when he was still on some Kanyeezy type shit. Either way tho...son done come a long way from that shit...n he been movin his pieces on the chessboard correct yo. Son jus got hisself a 3 million dollar record deal even. Im sayin...my dude even on tour wit the Harvester of Pauses hisself  now nahmean. Regardles of how I feel bout that boy Aubrey... it was a smart business move so I cant really front yo. But son might need to chill far as how he be puttin that nigga on a pedestal namsayin. Matter fact the dude said some shit bout how he would slap a nigga for that boy Drizzy. I aint kno what would possess homeboy to say some Captain Save a Hoe type shit like that but he did b. N even tho that kinda shit sound way too romantic for a dude to be sayin out the blue bout some effeminate ass nigga...we aint gon necessarily hold it against sons music. We gon jus pretend that the young brother aint play hisself wit that shit n let his music speak for itself namsayin.

Im sayin tho..."Club Paradise"?...Shit sounds mad homogenized b.

1. Palace - Ayo this a fresh ass way to start ya joint off son. Homie aint no beast or nothin but he aint no slouch neither. I also appreciate that son be acknowledgin how he jockin the fuck outta that Houston shit too. But I respect the sound cos he still puttin a NY twist on that shit. This muthafucka gon have little niggas runnin up in Walgreens rackin all the Benadryl n Nyquils tryin to get they lean on tho nahmean. Little niggas is gon be fallin asleep on the sidewalk from that shit all across the country. It aint always easy to cop that promethazine when you need it namsayin...little niggas jus improvise. Ayo this sounds like some Black Hippy meets Bone Thugs meets ATLiens meets actual aliens type shit to me. Word is bond... I digs this shit son.

2. Pe$o - This that joint that kinda gives you some idea of what Wiz Khagina would sound like if he still had a little talent n dignity left b. I still fucks wit this shit even tho I think I kinda heard it enough times now son. This beat is mad hypnotic yo. You can jus zone n imagine gettin pulled around the streets of Shanghai in a rickshaw by golden pandas or whatever when you hear some shit like this yo. This aint the kinda beat you need to go hammer on tho. You dont wanna be tryna murder this type a shit par. This the kinda beat you jus ride nahmean. You make love to this kinda beat namsayin...you dont be tryna sodomize a beat like this yo. You aint gotta blow its back out. You wanna caress some shit like this par. N son understands that less is more on a joint like this nahmean.

STRUGGLE ON A HUNDRED THOUSAND TRILLION

3. Bass -  By this track I be thinkin ok maybe son need to slow down on that Darth Vader voice that Pac use to OD on back in his Strictly For My N.I.G.G.A.Z. days. You dont gotta screw down all this shit bruh. Might be a little toooooo much Houston shit happenin now b. But I fucks wit this still. Son definitely more style than substance tho...but that shit was never no secret nahmean. I aint really expectin him to spit no complex ass Pharoahe Monch type shit namsayin. If you aint no crazy intelligent nigga like that you shouldnt even be tryin to kick knowledge anyways yo. Nobody wanna hear dumb niggas tryin to drop jewelz. Thats why we got stupid ass niggas like Soulja Boy...who got the intelligence of a goldfish...tryin to get they KRS-One on. That nigga tried to get political n he jus ended up sayin some retarded shit like 'fuck the troops". Then he like "Wait...whuhhh? You mean yalls aint cool wit my ratchet bonjanglin ass sayin "fuck the troops'? But they aint like po-leeeese doh?" Nah you mongoloid ass nigga...stick to superman'n hoes n crankin n twerkin or whatever it is a grown nigga wit the intelligence of a toddler be doin. Scientists told that muthafucka that he only had 430 brain cells n the nigga thought "daaaaaayyyymmmmmmn thats a lot mayne"... Anyways I forgot what I was sayin... but I like this joint son.

4. Wassup - this beat sounds like some straight Kendrick Lamar n Schoolboy Q type shit b. The beat sound like when you be nice off a fifth of that Goose n you start sniffin a little coke so you dont fall asleep but then that shit dont really be mixin too good wit the dust joint you was takin pulls off 2 hours before that n you start feelin like you walkin down these empty hallways n ey'thing be echoing n soundin extra close to your eardrums n you start seein shit that cant be real like dinosaurs liftin weights n niggas rockin durags n Avirex jackets who got open books in front of them n shit namsayin...word...but I think thats what I likes bout this song yo.

5. Brand New Guy (ft Schoolboy Q)- I aint even know my nigga Q was actually on this mixtape til like 5 minutes ago yo. Q's flow is jus so disrespectful son. You can already tell this nigga don't hold no doors open for old ladies or chew wit his mouth closed yo. Son dont give a microfuck b. These Niggas sound like they could be in a group together tho. Not in the way that Pras was in Fugees n niggas was like "Ay why this nigga even in the group?"...but like...these dudes got actual chemistry on the track n shit. I fucks wit this shit heavy son.

6. Purple Swag Chapter 2 (ft Spaceghost & ASAP Nast) - This shits basically jus the original witta couple extra niggas jumpin on the shit wit him nahmean. I cant really tell all these ASAP niggas apart like that but them niggas all seem decent anyways namsayin. Niggas is switchin shit up n soundin like the one chubby muthafucka in Bone Thugs who cant really rap as fast as the rest of the niggas in the group but still be spittin. Like I said tho...these niggas aint really here to separate protons n neutrons from electrons n rap math equations over the beat like that nerd nigga Canibus or nothin namsayin. Forreal tho....I respect the ignorance they droppin on this shit son. 

7. Get Lit (ft Fat Tony) - Outta all these laid back ass joint...this one gotta be the most laid back one so far son. I mean...this shit is almost gentle b. I aint mad at it but this aint the kinda shit I be listenin to unless I dont plan on doin shit for like a week straight namsayin. This muthafucka can have niggas fallin asleep at the wheel n rollin they whips into bus stops n pedestrians...so it definitely aint no shit for the ride son. This that shit for when you end up gettin so high that you cant even move ya limbs n you gotta coach yaself on how to open ya mouth so that you can call ya mans to come help you get up off the couch cos you feelin like you bout to start urinating on yaself any minute namsayin. 

8. Trilla (ft ASAP Twelvy & ASAP Nast) - Ayo I still cant really tell none of these ASAP niggas apart like that namsayin...but this joint is my favorite shit on this muthafucka so far son. I played this shit 5 times in a row jus now yo. Word is bond...that beat is a menace my nigga. This like some shit where you jus be picturin yaself ridin across the desert in one of those Mad Max type joints wit the armor plates n the big ass wheels n shit n you got like 2 broads rockin black leather bikinis wit some furry thigh high boots on n fly ass blowout afros n these vultures is circlin above yall while the sun is settin n the sky be lookin all orange n burgundy n shit namsayin........n you got like gargoyles on Harley Davidson's shootin ya whip up so you gotta like start doin donuts n shit to make big ass clouds of smoke n dust start appearin so you can  park ya shit n hop out n start blammin em muthafuckas n throwin grenades or whatever nahmean...but suddenly the ground starts to shake n cracks open n you start seein the core of the earth n some dragons made outta fire start to emerge from the flames n be swoopin over you n shit so you gotta look to the clouds n summon the angels from the heavens to come help you handle these niggas but then you see like a sorcerer who got lightning comin outta they eyes n shit he be strikin the angels wit the lightning from his eyes n so you start thinkin bout how can you approach the nigga from behind (pause) n strangle the muthafucka nahmean...so you be doin like somersaults n rollin across the ground to camouflage yaself wit the earth as you approach the sorcerer n he aint noticin you so you spring up n try to yoke the nigga n he fightin back n now lightnin bolts is shootin out the niggas hands n he tryin to maneuver outta the choke hold so you gotta like flip the muthafucka in the air n he go flyin n then he lands on top of one of those pointy ass rocks that look like upside down icicles n shit...n he explodes n all the gargoyles n dragons n shit start freezin while they fightin against the angels n then they turn to like black ashy statues n crumble or whatever...n then the two broads start dancin on top of the hood of the car n they start doin lesbian shit nahmean. Word yo.

9. Keep It G (ft Chace Infinite & Spaceghost Purrp) So we got Chace Infinite droppin some know-the-ledge for these little niggas on the intro n then Rocky spits his bars. This beat is type slowmo son. Shit sounds like some old Black Moon shit wit some Sade sprinkled on top. Shit is mad laid back yo. Then this Spaceghost nigga takes the second verse namsayin. Ayo son sounds like he jus learned to rap 3 hours ago b. I aint even sayin he wack...he jus dont sound like he kno how to rap yo. Son kinda be soundin like a high pitched MC Eiht...I fucks wit this joint tho. 

Jus 2 grown shirtless niggas on one bike yo...at least son aint ridin on the back of it...

10. Kissin Pink (ft ASAP Ferg) - That hypnotic shit is back yo. This shit jus sounds like drugs son. I mean a lot of these joints be havin that Houston influence namsayin. Niggas is talkin bout all that purple drank shit n be havin that chopped n screwed feel...so its mad obvious that thats what son be vibin off of on his free time...but this shit got that boom bap feel too. Shit kinda sounds like a 90s joint...but futuristic at the same time nahmean. It aint my favorite shit or nothin but Tone definitely aint mad at it son.

11. Houston Old Head - This is jus even more of that laid back g. Ayo personally I was thinkin that son coulda used a more uptempo type joint by this point jus to switch shit up a little...but that aint even the problem son. I swear this shit sounds like Medium Sean doin a Kanye impersonation yo. I jus kept waitin for son to say "Oh thats yo GIRL? I imaginary fucked yo GIRL? Boi? I do it."...word...I aint really feelin this shit like that b.

12. Acid Drip - Aight so you could probably guess that shit was gon be some more drugged out shit by that song title. I aint mad...but this shit too laid back for me again son. I mean its cool...jus not my type a shit. He dont need to start gettin his Bussa Bus on or nothin...but shit jus went from slow to slower to fuck it Imma throw the shit in neutral n if the muthafucka wanna keep rollin it can son...Its aight tho. I jus dont feel nothin from it nahmean.

13. Leaf (ft Main Attrakionz) - Now this some shit I jus straight up fucks wit b. This still that slow n laid back shit but theres some muscle on this joint son. My dude sharin how a lot of muthafuckas feel when he says he "sick of all these hipsters" too. Son also acknowledgin how niggas say he sound like Yeezy n Wiz on this shit...which aint even really how he sound on 90% of these joints...but its whatever nahmean. I swear I heard that homo ass Wiz laugh in the background durin the hook tho. The other niggas aint really doin nothin too crazy lyrically... but Rocky came wit that good shit namsayin. This shit got a couple rewinds from the god already b.

14. Roll One Up - Ayo maybe the last thing the world needed was another song bout rollin weed...but this shit still ill son. There aint really nothin else that needs to be said bout this shit. The beat is some fly shit n son does his thing far as the rhymes go. Sometimes thats all you need par. I definitely fucks wit it. 

15. Demons - DRUGS. Cant believe this nigga jus said "Oh thats yo girl huh? Well I jus hit it" like that tho. Now a nigga gotta eat his own words. Damn son. Real talk tho...I love this joint yo. The hooks ill n the beat got some serious mood to it par. This shit sound like the credits rollin on a niggas life son. Might be my favorite shit on the mixtape.

16. Out Of This World - Think this is a bonus track...but this a fly ass joint to close the shit out to b. Probably the livest shit on the whole muthafucka n this shits still easy like Sunday morning namsayin. But now son jus namedroppin all the dudes he feel like niggas been comparin him to. I aint really mad at son for rockin like all his influences do tho. He still got his own style anyways yo. The Big Beat drums kinda keep this shit grimy too. I dig it yo. 

Im sayin tho son...

This shit aint what I would call a straight classic namsayin. Also son aint like the nicest nigga to ever touch the mic or nothin...but this whole joint jus been mad consistent namsayin. Also it really dont sound like nothin else out there yo. Like that boy Spitta kinda be touchin on the exact same topics pretty much but his shit dont sound nothin like Rockys shit n vice versa namsayin. The beats is mellow n laid back but they got some grittiness to em nahmean. I dont even think they mixed this shit down son. Word is bond it sounds like it was recorded in a crackhouse bathroom on a cellphone yo. I think I even heard a toilet flush durin this muthafucka par. But yo...straight up...I fucks wit this shit son. Niggas dont gotta be doin  no verbal gymnastics on a joint for it to be hot namsayin. The beats is on point n there really aint no songs that I be feelin like I jus gotta skip son. Ayo the god gon give this shit 4 Zeus Slaps outta 5 nahmean. Word.

Aight peace.

Ayo one more thing yall....

The god cant really do no reviews for ALL the shit that he really wanna...but this one joint yall need to go support. My dude Gangsta Gibbs is still hitin niggas over the head wit that good shit namsayin. Son dropped his latest joint last week n he kept it all the way street yo. This that shit for niggas who slap box wit they moms out on the corner son. This shit for muthafuckas who snack on bullets n eat the bark off trees when they hungry nahmean. This joint for niggas who do push-ups on broken glass n punch sidewalks when they happy namsayin. This the type a shit that gon put hair on the chest of a infant son. This joint for broads who be carryin razor blades under they tongue when they go to the mall yo. This the type of shit that make a nigga slap a muthafucka thru 3 layers of concrete for makin eye contact b. This shit gon make you wanna throw niggas off balconies. I approves of this joint mightily son. Theres a lot of shit that either ya boy dont got time to speak on or it jus dont make sense for me to speak on....but I jus hadda salute the homie for this one yo. Word.

CLICK THIS SHIT