Ayo whattup its ya boy P-Tone aka Volcano Hands aka Phantom Raviolis aka Cocaine Biceps nahmean! Word up the Hands of Zeus is in the buildin. Lotta niggas been askin the god "Ayo Thor Molecules when you gon review that Memphis Cole joint?" Aint like the god was frontin but a nigga been mad busy namsayin so we hadda put that shit on ice while Riggatone handled that other shit nahmean. But Im pretty sure ey'body hadda chance to illegally download that shit by now so lets get this shit poppin b. First off young Eeyore lookin like some nigga jus snatched his balloon animals from him on this cover yo. That shit need to be addressed rite now son. Jermaine lookin like he jus got violated in the showers n he tryin to figure out a way to explain it to his girl. Im sayin yo...is this nigga capable of a facial expression that dont make him look like a victim son?
Cmon Jermaine...you spose to be celebratin the fact that Jiggaman lettin you drop ya album finally yo! Nah he aint takin you on tour wit him n Yeezy but you can still sell some merch on ya own tour baby pa. Niggas can stop askin why a dude who aint got no album is doin a muthafuckin 65 date world tour like he Bono or some shit now yo! Whatever tho son...lets get this shit started b...
1. Intro - Son jus explainin to a couple niggas how he wanna tell the story of the day he got signed...instead he spits a couple bars tho. Lotta dope albums got dope intros...sometimes its skits...sometimes its jus niggas buildin n talkin shit....Amerikkkas Most Wanted, Ready To Die, The Chronic, Illmatic, The Dynnasty, Cuban Linx....Lotta classic joints yo. Word.....this aint like those.
2. Dollar and a Dream III - This beat sounds like Puffy circa Life After Death was in the studio wit his toothpick in his mouth tellin niggas to "put more cinematic on it" while niggas looked at each other shakin they heads n shit namsayin. Word...the little homie Jermaine got his Nashiem Myrick n Carlos Broady on. But instead a spittin some gutter ass tales bout robbin niggas or clappin niggas kids by accident...son jus doin what HE be doin best namsayin. Which is cool nahmean....but this nigga jus gettin his Eeyore on again b. Aint much here that this nigga can tell us that he aint already weeped bout before son. We get it nigga...you was unsigned...n now you signed. Word...dreams really do come true n niggas shouldnta doubted ya ass.... Son always gotta squeeze in AT LEAST one lame bar tho. On this joint its "boy you cant outsmart me....I make you fee like you the shit, but boy you cant out-fart me"
3. Cant Get Enough (ft Trey Songz) - This shit sounds like the nigga hopped in his time machine n copped a beat that Twista aint wanna pay Kanye for in 2003 yo. This muthafucka sound dated as fuck son. I was almost expectin this nigga to start rhymin bout poppin tags n shit. But I aint really mad at this joint. It is what it is yo. Lame bar (that ey'body at his shows gon scream when the music stops n he points the mic at the crowd): "I love when you give me heeeeaaaaad...I hate when you give me headaches"
4. Lights Please - Ayo when this beat started the god was thinkin "Word...... . NOWTHISWHATTHEFUCKUMMTALMBOUT!" Son...a nigga was thinkin the intro to the joint was dope as shit...like this bout to be a problem namsayin. One minute in n this nigga still rhymin over the intro...the beat aint change yet or nothin...cool. Guess the little nigga tryin to make a point...BUT NAH...the hook comes in n the muthafuckin beat still sound like the intro son (by the way yo....you kno how all the hooks Drizzy be croonin sound like he makin em up as he go? Word...it sound kinda like this nigga gettin his Drake on here forreal yo...except son dont be hittin those bitch notes as much) Lame bar: "Laid a nigga down proper like she was recordin tracks"
5. Interlude - This nigga interruptin his album to finish off the story from his intro namsayin....the one niggas probably already forgot bout n shit. Personally I feel like son jus wanted to be on some "oh by the way shit" n mention that he had to pay the price for "drivin dirty" one time....wit no license nahmean. Eventually yo...the law caught up to the little nigga n he went to jail b....for the nite.
6. Sideline Story - This beat kinda cool....feels like some shit where you might be in a nice restaurant eatiin some lobster tails or some scampi or primavera type joint n listenin to some shit like that namsayin... n then some unsigned random nigga grabs the mic n starts spittin his bars or whatever. The hook sounds like some shit Drake mighta left on sons voicemail again. Lame bar: "my hooks can knock Rocky out" Smh...swear Grandmaster Caz probably came up wit that one in like '82 n then crumpled that shit up into a paper ball n came wit some better shit yo.
7. Mr Nice Watch (ft Jay-Z) Oh shit par....its that Jay feature that almost became sons 905th L in 3 years when Hovi aint give this nigga a 16 til the day shit was bout to get mastered yo. Too bad he jumped on a track that sounds like some shit that a Timbaland stan from like Croatia or Qatar or some shit laced in his bedroom son. The hook is pure muthafuckin struggle my nigga...I aint even gon get into it yo. Somebody tell this nigga he dont gotta croon on ALL these joints tho b. Jiggaman gave this nigga one a his "Oh its for Bleek's joint? Aight here ya go" verses. Jay knows when he in danger of gettin renegaded....n that shit wasnt gon be happenin here son. Son couldnta renegaded Lil Boosie on this shit b. Word is bond son. Lame bar: "I rap like its Christmas Eve" ....Cmon Jermaine.
8. Cole World - This beat got more of that same Euro nigga swag that the last joint had. Its cool if niggas wanna get on some international shit n show some variety or some culture b....but this beat kinda ass yo. This sounds like some shit that muthafuckas in Moscow be doin Russian kicks to....like you gotta be splashin 180 proof vodka on slave bitches n rockin a bear skin coat wit the head still on it to really appreciate shit like this son. Then this nigga get on some Borat shit durin the hook when he singin "Got a hundred fifty bitches in the club starin' at me/ How that feel? Very happy!" Yall listen to this shit tho..."How that feel? VERY HAPPY". Son...thats some "no speaky inglish" type shit yo. This joint starts out wit the line "it took me all day to find some inspiration"...ayo maybe you shoulda put it back where you found it son. Cos apparently you found that shit in the back of a gypsy caravan or some shit b. You want lame bars tho? Son be spittin darts like "See my man Nate, asked me if I gained weight/ I said nah, my pockets got fatter, that's all", "I got the type of shit that make a hater say sorry" n "Bitch, I made this in the crib, watchin' Belly/ eatin' peanut butter jelly, what the fuck can niggas tell me?" n all kindsa dogshit bars...take ya pick yo. Its like a wackass bars smorgasbord on this shit b.
9. In The Morning (ft The Kitten Whisperer) - Damn son....you kno the album aint really goin rite for a nigga when you relieved to hear the Drizzy joint nahmean. Still think this beat is dope...which kinda makes sense namsayin since this joint one a the only ones that Jermaine aint produce by hisself. Word is bond yo...this nigga gave all his best beats away to muthafuckas like Kendrick (see HiiiPoWeR) n XV (peep Smallville) namsayin. Kinda forgot that Aubrey sounds like a rapist on this shit tho nahmean. I think the nigga talmbout how he use to fuck horses when he was a kid in his verse or some shit son. N even tho Young Angel droppin bars bout ridin stallions n shootin lotion outta his finger tips... this little nigga Cole aka L-ton John STILL gon find a way to squeeze in the lamest bar on this shit wit "no strings attached, like a cordless phone" Son...when was the last time you seen a phone that DID have a cord yo? You write this verse in 1987 g? Cmon son...its 2011 yo. Cordless phones? That shits like sayin "word...I got these condoms that aint made outta lamb intestines son" or "word....I gotta TV that aint black n white at my crib namsayin" or "word....I like broads who dont got mustaches or dicks yo". Stop it Jermaine...
10. Lost Ones - First off yo...this shit got pretty much the same drumbeat as the Lights Out joint...which really be drivin home that point that son been runnin outta ideas for beats a long ass time now yo. But SON...on a album full of bitchified lotiony hooks...this shit might actually be the the lotioniest n bitchifiedest hook of them all yo... "I aint too proud to tell you that I cry sometimes...I cry sometimes about it...."
Son...is you fuckin serious? Shit gets even more bitched out when the nigga starts spittin from the perspective of a pregnant broad for the whole second verse. "I let you hit it raw muthafucka...now Im pregnant". Word...mad niggas is gon be spittin along to that shit b. Nas dont even get away wit doin shit like that son...
11. Nobody's Perfect (Ft Missy Elliot) - I aint mad at this beat...shit is actually cool for some R&B nigga shit. Plus Missy took it back yo. This still jus some shit for broads that eat ice cream under the covers n keep candy bars in they glove box...but its cool for what it is yo. The little homie Jermaine aint forget to spit some more lame bars on this shit tho. Word yo...the lamest one gotta be "Cole heatin up like that leftover lasagna" ....wow. The hood probably gon love that one yo...."YO YOU HEAR WHAT THIS NIGGA JUS SAID SLIME?? HE HEATIN UP....LIKE LEFTOVER LASAGNA NIGGA!!! DAMN YO!!! REWIND THAT BACK SLIME!!!
12. Never Told - This some Captain Save A Hoe shit son. Theres a skit in the middle bout a young Jermaine learnin how to be a man. Apparently son use to sound like a little broad when he was young tho...couldnt make it to the end of this one b. NO.I.D. gave the nigga a throwaway beat too. Lamest bar: "Cause Wolverine's depressing, don't wanna be your ex-man"
13. Rise And Shine - Son saved his best beat for damn near the end of the album yo. Either way tho...son hooked up a ferocious track to go hammer on son.....before he lames out on the hook n sings some wack shit again. This song is like a dime broad witta 5 inch ortho shoe on b. Too bad son... Dont think that son forgot to spit some wackness on this shit too yo. Lamest bar: "These words Im recordin got me ballin....Jordan".
14. God's Gift - This the joint son was hopin Jay would jump on. Shits definitely better than that Nice Watch eurotrash shit he did end up jumpin on tho. Son referencin Jay n talmbout "on to the blueprint" but Jay was like "Nah". So disrespectful Hovi....Of course son gotta squeeze in another wack ass made up as he go hook torn straight outta the book of Aubrey nahmean. Lamest bars: "Pussy my passion / Man I just can’t help it,I see a cookie, I grab one"
15. Breakdown - The drums by theyselves on the intro sound like some bullshit yo. Shit be soundin cheap as fuck son. Sounds like some shit a niggas moms would tap out while she fuckin witta niggas MPC in his room. Once the music kicks in its aight tho. Rite out the gate yo...son spits "I just shed tears homie and now I aint too proud to admit it"...we get it son. You aint ashamed to cry...stop all that sad face purple donkey shit already par. The song aint horrible...but I dont kno what nigga would end they album witta joint like this one. Lamest bars: "Thought I was brighter than a Polo sweater / No pops.... was like Martin with no Coretta"
I aint really kno which joints is officially on his shit but these muthafuckas is summa the bonus tracks I got on my version yo....
Workout - The first official single off this shit jus became a bonus track yo. Truth be told...this joint was cool for what it was. The video was another story tho son...that shit looked like son got the director who use to do shit for TLC on they first album b. That shit musta costed Roc Nation like$300 yo. Jay probably drops more on socks than what he givin this nigga for his video budget b. I fucks wit this shit...like it aint my favorite shit or nothin b...but I dont hate it like that. But when son starts gettin his Paula Abdul on its time for the skip button.
Nothing Lasts Forever - More shit for broads who aint got no self esteem n niggas who stay twistin Nuvo caps off n sippin Shirley Temples at the club. Its a cool joint but son spittin some serious snore darts on this one b.
Daddy's Little Girl - The beat cool...in a "nigga who jus learned how to use Reason" kinda way. But the hook so light in the ass that my muthafuckin iPod started floatin round the room while I was playin this shit b. You can put a black coffee in front of the speakers n that shit gon have 5 sugars in it by the end of the song par. This shit softer than chinchilla bellies yo. You could pollinate your flower garden wit this shit b. This niggas dignity tank is on E when it comes to these hooks son...but whatever yo.
Who Dat - Aka the original first single flop....Only good thing I can say bout this shit is he aint really spit any lazy ass bars like he did all over his album yo. He barely gettin his songstress on on this shir too yo. Son shoulda spent more than 4 seconds comin up wit the hook for this muthafucka tho son.
Cheer Up - I dont even kno if this joint is really a bonus track forreal yo...n I aint heard it...but thats a funny ass song title comin from this nigga b.
Thats bout it fam...I aint really mad at this shit...but son was lazy as fuck on this joint b. The beats...the rhymes...all that shit yo. I thought son woulda been savin his best shit for his album my nigga. There aint really a whole lot to make this shit that different from his mixtapes tho son. N word is bond yo...the rap world always been divided between niggas who dont sound wack singin all over they joints (Pac, 50, DMX, Slick Rick, GHOSTFACE etc) n niggas who sound like straight bitches when they do namsayin (Aubrey).....Cole be fallin into that second category yo. What you gon do tho? These beige niggas jus love to croon on they shit b. But yo...I aint mad at this shit like that baby pa. The nigga gettin his feet wet in the game still...its cool...broads gon more or less love this like a fat kid love cake n all that. It jus aint the gods cuppa tea namsayin. Staten niggas be drinkin from golden goblets b. We dont drink no Ovaltines namsayin. We drink broken glass son. Niggas stay eatin the bark off the trees over here par. You talkin to some official titanium beard niggas who rock iron headbands n throw Suzuki jeeps at niggas for steppin on our footwear nahmean. So nah...niggas who got that viking blood dont be really fuckin wit no soft ass shit like this b. But this shit wasnt designed for niggas like Tone yo...I understands that shit b. This shit was designed to tap that insecure broad demographic n shit par. So instead a breakin this muthafuckas wings off Imma jus open the window n let the butterfly go back to the flower box n do his thing namsayin. Let youngin do him I guess yo...
Overall...on some generous shit...Imma give Eeyorematic 2.5 outta 5 Zeus Slaps yo.....or 5 Memphis Bleek durags under the fitted outta 5. Word is bond.